Your Best Not Perfect!!
Updated: Sep 16, 2019
Have you ever thought about about how many times you've tried to be the perfect mom? I literally just sat here and tried to think about it and I've already lost count. I know I'm guilty of speeding to parent teacher conferences on my lunch break, skipping dinner just to make it to soccer practice on time, and beating myself up because I'm not going to meet the request 30 volunteer hours for parents at school and all for the fear of not being the perfect mom. All because of the fear that other moms will judge me because I'm not there enough and that must mean that I don't care about my kids as much as my job. Right?
Wrong, I know I love my kids more than some job, but the reality is that job right now is how I put a roof over their heads, food in their bellies, pay for soccer, and all the fields trips I miss chaperoning and I don't need Susan and her group of mom bashers to tell me where to improve. The reality is you don't either. You don't need approval or validation from other moms to know that you're a good mom. Being the best mother you can be for your kids has nothing to do with the opinions of others, but everything to do with you being what they need. Yes, that means you'll miss field trips, be late to soccer practice once or twice, and reschedule parent teacher conferences for when you can actually work it into your schedule, but guess what? You're still a great mom. You're doing the best you can and I see you momma. I feel your pain, worry, and angst that your kids will miss out on something if you're not there for them or you can't give them one thing all the other moms give their kids.
Now, if you're like me, reading these words may make you feel good for a little while, but you know you might return to that negative head space and you need more confirmation that your best is good enough and you don't need to be perfect to be a great mom. So I've got some advice for you to get just the confirmation you're looking for.
1. Go to the source! If you want to know if you're a great mom, ask your kids. Do you think I'm a great mom to you? Why? What makes you feel the most loved by me? I guarantee that your kids aren't keeping a tally of the mistakes you've made over their lifetime and they won't hold you being late to soccer practice two weeks ago against you.
2. Track what's important to you! Read that again, what's most important to YOU. You don't have the same parenting style or life as Susan and her friends and chances are, your kids are completely different too. So sit down by yourself first and create a chart, list, spread sheet or whatever and write down the 3 most important things you can do every week to show your kids you care and that make you feel like you're progressing or being the best mom you can be. If your kids are older I would definitely include them on this. You'd be amazed at how intune kids are with what makes them feel loved and important in your life.
3. Tell yourself you're a great mom! Hear me out on this. Affirmations are powerful and you hear you the most everyday. You are with you the most everyday, so tell yourself how proud you are of yourself for loving your kids in their love language and how amazing of a mom you are. Say it because you believe it and if you don't right now, that's okay. Say it anyway because eventually you will.
PS I have nothing against anyone named Susan. This is just a named I used for a stereotype mother a lot of moms run into. I love you too Susan and Yes, you're a great mom.